Friday, November 21, 2008

Poetry Professor Lectures Voters on Democracy

UA Poetry Professor Michael Heffernan has issued a statement from the ivory tower, helping the misguided and uninformed average citizen to avoid making a grave mistake in casting their vote in the mayor's race. Heffernan says that Lioneld Jordan is not worthy to lead the city, then he goes on to expound on the reasons that sophisticated persons of good breeding, like himself, should vote against Jordan.

Professor Heffernan wields his pen to prevent the election of Alderman Jordan, whom he describes as "a ward-healer and an opportunistic political hack who has had a fairly routine run as an alderman." Jordan doesn't meet Heffernan's ideal of a leader who can make a decision without wasting so much time listening to the voice of the people. "Add the prospect of a Mayor Jordan doing town hall meetings every few months, and you get the chaos of government by open mic," writes the learned poet who disdains such pandering to the people by letting them speak about local issues on which they are unqualified to express opinions.

Then Heffernan gets personal in explaining why Jordan is unqualified to lead. "Lioneld Jordan should continue to work for the people of the university, in the service capacity where he has done his job for more than two decades. He might even get himself a college degree." That is the real reason that the great poet cannot abide the election of Jordan. Heffernan is an esteemed poet who shudders at the thought of a lowly worker aspiring to hold any office, especially a staff employee without an academic resume comparable to a renowned professor like himself and others who frequent the rarefied atmosphere of the faculty club. Jordan is qualified only to serve them personally, not politically.

A simple carpenter has never made any contribution to the world that compares with that of Professor Heffernan.

UPDATE: We now learn that Mayor Dan Coody encouraged Professor Heffernan to make this attack on Alderman Jordan. "Get with Deborah and let's do some good!" Indeed.

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