Those Acts and Amendments on the Ballot

Maybe you are all excited about voting for Obama and watching Arkansas painted red on the election night maps, or it could be the chance to vote for Rebekah Kennedy and Abel Tomlinson to make yourself feel good about voting on principle for a change. Maybe you've been spending too much time on Facebook pimping for your candidate for mayor or alderman. Whatever your lame excuse, we know you haven't been studying all of those long ballot questions, so here's a quick guide.

FOR AMENDMENT 1. This is a housekeepping amendment to remove outdated language concerning Arkansas election law. For example, our 1874 Constitution says, “No idiot or insane person shall be entitled to the privileges of an elector,” and this would get rid of that arcane language. We frequently elect idiots to public office, so we should also let them vote. Besides, it sounds better.

AGAINST AMENDMENT 2. This is a Republican ploy to have the state legislature meet every year. That would mean twice as much time to pass stupid shit like requiring public schools to teach Intelligent Design and requiring a two-year waiting period before allowing rape and incest victims to terminate a pregnancy. It would also make it damn near impossible for school teachers, hourly wage workers, or other people with real jobs to serve in the legislature, because they couldn't take off three months every spring to go to Little Rock. You know who could. Bad idea for the people all around.

FOR AMENDMENT 3. This is the State Lottery amendment that lets fools dream and provides money for college scholarships. It will also reduce global warming, since Arkansas residents will no longer have to drive to Oklahoma or Missouri to waste their money on lottery tickets. No good reason to be against this one, unless you think someone gave you the right to tell people how they can spend their hard earned money.

AGAINST REFERRED QUESTION 1. This is a $300 million boondoggle being sold as a way to fund local water and sewer systems. In reality, it is a backdoor way for the East Arkansas Planters to drain the White River to irrigate crops, seeing as how they have depleted the aquifer. It says it is limited to spending $60 million every two years, so that wouldn't even have been enough to cover Coody's $63 million sewer plant debacle. It is just a big bone for the lawyers and bond daddies in Little Rock.

AGAINST INITIATED ACT 1. This is the hateful queer-bashing proposal from the repressive and obsessive bigots at the Arkansas Family Council. They would rather warehouse orphans in state institutions than to allow loving unmarried couples to adopt them or be foster parents. It needlessly restricts qualified adults from serving as foster parents and further reduces the number of good homes available for public and private adoption. It takes away rational decision making from judges and child welfare experts and eliminates case-by-case study for the best situation for children. Another indicator of the right choice here is that Tom Lundstrom and Jay Cole, Jr. are for it, and former Supreme Court Justice David Newbern and Rev. Lowell Grisham are against it. Vote NO.