Monday, January 14, 2008

The Jeremiad of Bone Dry Jones

Benjamin Jones, a self-proclaimed born-again Christian, railed against the dangers of Demon Rum to a crowd of 50-plus in the Siloam Springs Community Building this evening. There are 122% more murders in wet counties than dry ones in Arkansas, he claimed, and 96% more rapes. "Take a drive outside Benton County," he said, holding Washington County up as an example of the crime and poverty that afflict counties with package stores selling beer and whiskey. "My fear is that we'll just become like everyone else. We're going to be sad if we do this."

A group called
Citizens for Choice 2008 has circulated petitions in Benton County to get the issue of changing Benton County to a wet county on the November ballot. Jones called the idea of letting citizens vote on the issue "goofy" at tonight's gathering. "Do we really want to put this to vote?" Jones asked. "I don't believe our country runs by a mob rule," he said, confirming the widely held suspicion that Benton County doesn't consider democratic decisions by majority rule to be as valid as edicts from an oligarchy.

Siloam Springs Mayor
Moose Van Poucke tried to moderate the event and asked several of those in attendance to stick to the debate format when they rambled off into unfounded opinion. David Routon, president of Citizens for Choice 2008, tried to respond to the rantings by Jones by pointing out that Siloam was losing out on opportunities for economic development and considerable local revenues, while Bentonville and Rogers prospered under the ruse of calling every restaurant a "private club."

Siloam Springs must feel besieged. Last week the City Council had to act quickly to defend itself from unfettered dildo sales, and now its moral residents are being threatened by the possibility that working stiffs might be allowed to vote on whether they can buy a six pack of beer. Just another sign of the End Times.

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